There is something about movement of the body that can express what words simply cannot. My entire life, I have gravitated towards dance as a form of emotional expression, often without realizing it. When there were no words, I would turn on a song that belted them for me and move my body until I didn’t have any energy left. I remember wanting to join ballet but never having the opportunity to fulfill that desire. I also used to love watching figure-skating, often adorning socks and “skating” around my kitchen on the tile floor, pretending that it was ice. I also kept a Michelle Kwan poster on my bedroom door, which is one of the few, if not the only poster I’ve ever put up. Similarly, I have always loved wearing heels. So, naturally, I would put them on during some of these dance sessions and I would follow along with my favorite music videos of that era. I “performed” in my room for hours on end and what I now realize was an audience of One. God has been with me along this journey and has helped me to understand my emotions through the songs I gravitated to in each season.
During one season, R&B was my dominant genre of choice. All of the relationship-focused and break-up songs expressed deep, painful emotions that I related to on multiple levels. I remember distinctly, listening to “Too Little Too Late” by JoJo and weeping in my room with only the thought of my mother and how empty I felt without her. While those lyrics never seemed to match up to anything I was going through at the time, that song encapsulated those emotions and still brings that memory back a vividly as if it happened yesterday. In another season, I heavily gravitated to music by Paramore, My Chemical Romance, Green Day, and Evanescence. That season, which ebbed and flowed throughout my adolescence, represented a persistent depressive state where I couldn’t feel anything but emptiness, pain, and anger. I loved the energy of the music because it helped me to express what I was never able to otherwise. Beyoncé was a major influence of mine at that time and I would dance my heart out to songs like “Crazy In Love” and “End of Time.” Performance has always been in me, it was just hidden behind all of the weight of my insecurities and the pain of my childhood.
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There are many instances in the Bible where God makes it clear that He is well acquainted with the heart of humanity. In His choosing of David over all of his other brothers. In His acceptance of Abel’s gift over Cain’s. God is no respecter of persons and He makes it abundantly clear that living a life of honorable service to Him is primarily a heart issue. With this understanding of the God who created the universe, who exists outside of time, and has all power in His being; Shouldn’t we be able to trust Him at His word?
The short answer is yes. However, our thoughts and behavior often show otherwise, complicating what God originally intended to be a simple solution to address our needs. You may be familiar with the quotable found on many t-shirts, mugs, and other collectable items: “Keep Calm and…” The end of that statement has an extensive list of suggested things, people, and places to put your faith in. Yet, every believer is aware, to some degree, that the only true source of stability that we can put our trust in is God. This year, 2020, has quite rudely interrupted the norms that humanity has created for ourselves and made it abundantly clear that many of the things, people, and places we have put our faith in are not able to hold us up when life takes an unexpected turn.
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I have a question. Have you been in a breaking season recently? Perhaps you’re in one right now. Amidst all that this year has had to offer, you may be aware that there is something really personal happening in your life. Something that is shaking the foundation of who you believed you were at your core. If you can relate to any of what I just mentioned, please know that it’s not just happening to you. A breaking season is meant to uproot the things that never belonged to you as God replaces them with His truth, His love, and His plan for your life. For many, this means that you lost one or more of your employment positions or opportunities. For others it means that your family or friendships have been turning up recently. Still, for others, everywhere you turn, you can’t seem to catch a break. Whether its been physical, emotional, or psychological, your well-being has been difficult to maintain due to the pressures you’ve been facing.
Can I offer something to you that God took His time to reveal to me? It’s a perspective issue more than it’s an issue of your life’s circumstance. Let me take a step back and share a bit more so we can get a bit more acquainted. My issue is impostor syndrome. I have learned that impostor syndrome (at its core) stems from worry, which is brought on by focusing your attention on the wrong thing(s). Can I submit to you that you have probably been making the same mistake? I’m not here to pass judgment, I promise. As I just mentioned, I have my own issues to work out with God’s help. I simply want to encourage you to take a different stance as you face the giants in your life.
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